may the bridges i burn light the way.
I have never been so homesick in my life. can i please just come home i am so sick of crying
I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life
Crazy how one of the grossest things that’s ever happened to me and the sexiest and most poetic thing that has ever, ever happened to me both occurred within the last hour.
The Mountain Goats | Love Love Love
Sea Glass Spectrum - Take 1 (by quercus design)
I wish I could go back and do everything over, do it differently. I know it doesn’t serve me to be stuck in the past, to be filled with this much regret. But I am filled with such regret of the past 8 years of my life. I didn’t know any better, no one told me it would turn out this way. I gave up on all the things that turned out to be the most important to me, I put up walls between people that cared about me, I put people that did nothing but consistently hurt me before the ones that really mattered.
Even through all of those mistakes, I would give anything to go back to those times. I love those memories so much it feels like my heart is going to burst and all the air has left my lungs. And it’s all gone now, because that’s what time does. That’s what fucking it all up and then leaving does.
I have hope for a good life here and I know that I needed to do to all those things to get here. It was all for a reason I guess. But I don’t want to write off that chapter of my life as the prologue to something bigger when it still feels like it was more than that. I don’t want to write off those people as characters there simply for my development.
I feel so proud that I got out of where I’m from, because I never wanted to be trapped there. I was sad there. I’m sad here too, but in new ways. And I’m happy too, but mostly I just feel lost. The people and places that were my compass aren’t there anymore, and now I’m left to simultaneously learn how to need people and how to navigate my life in whichever direction I choose.
Having fucked up so much already, I just feel terrified that’s all I’ll ever do.